Irene's Journey ~ Hope, Courage & Strength: Waking up from Surgery, Post Op & Recovery

We left for the hospital on 4/21/16 at 6am and I was checked in, prepped for surgery and ready to go by 8:05am. The scariest part was the anesthesiologist coming in to have me basically sign my life away, just in case!! they should really do this part BEFORE surgery day - alot to take in honestly! My breast surgeon, Dr. Coopey and plastic surgeon, Dr. Ehrichman came in to talk me thru the process one last time, coz ya know, I like all the major details just one last time right before I go into surgery - LOL, what was I thinking? I told them, "let's get this right once ok Docs". Scott kissed me and that's all I remember!

I woke up in a private room with Scott sitting there waiting for me to wake up. I opened my eyes and looked around, I wasn't sure where I was. I looked at him and said, "when are we going to start surgery"? He started laughing and said "you're done Irene, you came out of surgery hours ago, it was over at 2:45pm, you came out of recovery into the private room at 5pm and both doctors said it went really well, they got everything out". It was like it never happened, I remembered nothing! Still trying to get my barrings, I looked down at my chest. I'm so used to being able to see my DD boobs when I lay down. As I looked down, I saw nothing. I asked Scott, "did they do the reconstruction because I can't feel or see anything there, plus I can't move my arms to feel"? He then went on to tell me how Dr. Ehrichman came out to talk to him very proudly letting him know that he gave me the perfect C's! LOL, Scott was like, hey that's my wife you're talking about! Dr's sure get very happy about their work! I started to laugh, but it hurt so much! I realized I was still plugged into so many machines monitoring me, had 4 drains in me (2 on each side) and at the moment I didn't feel much of anything due to all the pain management drugs. Thank God for those! Scott stayed in the hospital with me, while my mom was home with the girls. I slept pretty much the rest of the day into the morning being woken up to take the pain meds through out the night.

The next morning, bright and early, 2 of my nurses came in. They had a mission, they wanted me up out of the bed and walking. I couldn't even imagine doing that! But up we went to attempt to walk! It was hands down, the hardest physical thing I ever had to do! I couldn't stand! I started having a major anxiety attack, crying in pain and fear and the reality of what just happened. I couldn't catch my breath. I kept saying I can't do it , I can't do and they were masters at this and were so calm and patient with me as they were attempting to hold me up - they were amazing and I felt so helpless. after about 15 minutes of me spiraling out of control, I got my legs under me and slowly they helped me take my first steps. Who would have thought walking would have been such an ordeal? No one prepared for that part! Next up was getting the catheter out and me trying to go tot the bathroom by myself. I totally forgot that I needed a catheter. That was a fantastic feeling getting that pulled out of you - NOT! Then off we went to the bathroom - OUCH is all I can say about that first pee! I felt so helpless. I not used to not being able to do for myself and here I was at the mercy of medical professionals, Scott and family and friends. I was completely out of my comfort zone.

Dr. Coopey and Dr. Ehrichman came to check in on me and give me the status. They were both very happy with the surgery and reconstruction. Results: 1.9 was the remaining tumor they got out, reflected that it was ER+ & PR+, but they were still waiting on the HER2 part of the pathology report - that takes a little bit longer to get back. They took out 3 lymph nodes, only one of them was cancerous. Silicon implants were put in for reconstruction. Margins were clear. All in all, they were very happy with the outcome so far.

I ate for the first time which was wonderful because I was starving at this point. When the girls got home from school, Scott came with them and my mom to the hospital. As they walked in, I could see how scared they were. They have never seen me in this type of way before. Mom is the supposed to be strong. I saw the fear in their eyes as they looked at me laying there. They asked a lot of questions and we laughed a bit. Some friends came by to visit as well and it was nice to see people but I felt and looked like I had just gotten run over by a massive truck!

I stayed in the hospital until Saturday afternoon 4/23/16. I was ready to go home at that point. Before we left - the Dr's and nurses went all thru everything with me as far as pain management, recovery, movement, changing the drains out etc. Getting into the car and the ride home was really painful. I felt every bump and it hurt! Once we got home, the girls had the couch all set up for me with blankets, pillows for my arms and head - it was very sweet. I basically slept on the couch, propped up with pillows every night because I couldn't lay down flat in our bed. The drains were excruciating. Scott would drain them for me twice a day for the first week - bless this man! One really wonderful thing was that my neighbors and friends had set up a "Meal Train' for my family for the next 2 weeks. I can't even begin to say how wonderful it was. Not having to worry about that was incredible - I'm forever grateful! So many people sent flowers, cards, so sweet and would make my days brighter for sure! I realized very quickly how difficult things were going to be to get function back. I couldn't raise my arms at all, let alone hold anything. It was scary. On day 5 of being home, I told Scott I was ready to see myself in the mirror. I wanted to see what everything looked like. We walked over to the mirror together, he helped me open everything up and there it was.... ME with all the drains, scars - it was too much, my eyes just filled up with such sadness and disgust. How did this happen to me? Who is that person in the mirror? Next thing I knew, I passed out and Scott grabbed me just in time before I hit the floor. It was awful. I was hyperventilating, I just couldn't handle it. I didn't think looking at myself and what has happened to my body would affect me in this way, but it was completely overwhelming.
By the end of that first week, we went back for my 1st Post Op appointment and 1 drain from each side was taken out. HOLY CRAP was that painful - I seriously saw stars!!! Dr. Coopey said all looked good. A week later we went back for my 2nd Post Op appointment. The remaining pathology report came back and they found that the 1.9 tumor that was taken out was HER2- which was different than my original diagnosis. This was a bit different as she said that I have a slightly unique tumor - it's heterogeneous meaning it is both HER2+ & -. Still treatable and with good prognosis. My treatment plan would not change going forward as they would still treat me as HER2+. This explains why the original chemo didn't completely destroy the entire tumor. I was scared and disappointed, but at the end of the day, there was nothing they or I could have done about what the tumor was made up of - it's biology. so we move forward. During the visit, the other 2 drains came out - HOLY CRAP again! Getting those things taken out was soooo painful! But at least they were out and I could actually put my arms down instead of walking around like a person with really wide arms just sticking out of them to accommodate the drains on the sides of my body. One major recovery step down - DRAINS ARE OUT and even though I could barely move my arms, it was something to celebrate! Dr. also gave me the green light on starting arm exercises.

I felt like now recovery can begin. I realized very quickly that just because the drains were out and I got the green light to do arm exercises, it really didn't mean all that much. I still couldn't sleep flat - so continued couch sleeping it was for me - I missed my bed and sleeping next to my husband, but there was no other way! I tried to do the basic arm exercise, OMG, how pathetic was I, couldn't do it! I was in tears! It made me realize how long a road I have to attempt to get back to normal function, mobility and strength. Patience, not my strongest characteristic, is challenging me again. Digging deep to find patience with myself and remove the frustration of what I can't do and accepting that it's going to take time and ALOT of patience to get to this "new normal" that I keep being told I will have. I'm not sure I get it yet? Needlesstosay, I don't have much of a choice in the matter at the moment. I just hope I can do this and be kind to myself along the way.

After surgery once I came around - needed my sign!