6/23/16 Last Day of Chemo which I hope and pray will be FOREVER!
I have been dreaming about this day, yet dreading it all at the same time! When I was diagnosed back on 12/16/15 and I asked for real honesty of what was to come, my surgeon said, "this year will be the hardest year of your life and if you're looking for the "real" of it, it will suck". She hasn't been wrong yet! I started my treatment with chemo on 1/7/16, went thru surgery on 4/21/16 and ended chemo on 6/23/16 and this is only the HALFWAY point!
The physical, mental and emotional changes that have taken place during this time are more than I ever, in my wildest dreams imagined and harder than anyone could have ever prepared me for. It's amazing what the human body and spirit can endure when pushed to it's limits. I've cried more than I ever imagined possible. I still cry at the slightest emotional thing. I always considered myself a strong person, but I found strength I never knew I had, deep strength. I have always been a long term planner, I've had to learn to let go of that mindset. I found it causes me too much stress. What I've learned is that the best laid out plan doesn't mean anything if you're not around to see it thru because life happens during a long period of time and so much can change. Instead, I now plan in stages, plan A, plan B and plan C. Makes life less stressful and the plan or goal more attainable in shorter periods of time and if you have to adjust your plan, it's not the end of the world. This seems to be working much better for me. I've always been a grateful person, but finding gratitude in the everyday aspects of daily life has been eye opening, life changing really. We live in a scary world at times, but I have seen and been the recipient of so much genuine love and kindness from people from one extreme to another. Talk about gratitude. I have no words to express my gratitude for the kindness, love and support my family and I have been shown. As a religious person, I have found myself questioning God. My faith has been tested and continues to be at times with the "why" and the "how do I go on" thoughts knowing that I have a 15% recurrence prognosis. A friend said to me, "No one is born with an expiration date tattooed on them. When God calls you, you will go.... until then, know that you are alive and you will live till you die. Don't let cancer take over what you fought so hard to have, your life! Live life to the fullest now.. live in gratitude.. live in giving back.. live in showing how to live after adversity.. have a good life.. enjoy your children, family and friends... be aware of the spiritual life that you are also living.. we are more than our bodies.. we have a soul.. there is so much to do with our life and don't waste it on what ifs".
We have TODAY and NOW
I have been dreaming about this day, yet dreading it all at the same time! When I was diagnosed back on 12/16/15 and I asked for real honesty of what was to come, my surgeon said, "this year will be the hardest year of your life and if you're looking for the "real" of it, it will suck". She hasn't been wrong yet! I started my treatment with chemo on 1/7/16, went thru surgery on 4/21/16 and ended chemo on 6/23/16 and this is only the HALFWAY point!
The physical, mental and emotional changes that have taken place during this time are more than I ever, in my wildest dreams imagined and harder than anyone could have ever prepared me for. It's amazing what the human body and spirit can endure when pushed to it's limits. I've cried more than I ever imagined possible. I still cry at the slightest emotional thing. I always considered myself a strong person, but I found strength I never knew I had, deep strength. I have always been a long term planner, I've had to learn to let go of that mindset. I found it causes me too much stress. What I've learned is that the best laid out plan doesn't mean anything if you're not around to see it thru because life happens during a long period of time and so much can change. Instead, I now plan in stages, plan A, plan B and plan C. Makes life less stressful and the plan or goal more attainable in shorter periods of time and if you have to adjust your plan, it's not the end of the world. This seems to be working much better for me. I've always been a grateful person, but finding gratitude in the everyday aspects of daily life has been eye opening, life changing really. We live in a scary world at times, but I have seen and been the recipient of so much genuine love and kindness from people from one extreme to another. Talk about gratitude. I have no words to express my gratitude for the kindness, love and support my family and I have been shown. As a religious person, I have found myself questioning God. My faith has been tested and continues to be at times with the "why" and the "how do I go on" thoughts knowing that I have a 15% recurrence prognosis. A friend said to me, "No one is born with an expiration date tattooed on them. When God calls you, you will go.... until then, know that you are alive and you will live till you die. Don't let cancer take over what you fought so hard to have, your life! Live life to the fullest now.. live in gratitude.. live in giving back.. live in showing how to live after adversity.. have a good life.. enjoy your children, family and friends... be aware of the spiritual life that you are also living.. we are more than our bodies.. we have a soul.. there is so much to do with our life and don't waste it on what ifs".
We have TODAY and NOW
With Scott
With my beautiful girls - bald and all!
My End of Chemo Send Off
These ladies are angels!
With the amazing nursing staff at the Cancer Center who took care of me all these months.
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