Thursday, March 24, 2016

Chemo - (Round 4 - weeks 10-12 of 12)

Week 10 Chemo March 10, 2016 - I can't believe we are at week 10 which begins the last round of this part of treatment.  This is going to be the last time I get not only my normal "Pre-Chemo meds" but then the "Big Chemo Cocktail" with Perjeta, Herceptin and Taxol which is what I get the first week of each "new round".  I can't believe it!  Scott came with me and my dear friend Patti came to visit!  During the treatment, I felt my "new" usual all over body bloating, everything was swollen - UGH!  I don't really care for this feeling at ALL!  As the week went by, the Hot & Cold flashes continued and so did the hair loss.  My little pixie cut is quickly thinning out.  At the hospital my doctor and all the nurses are just absolutely amazed that I still have hair.  I jokingly say "it's my Greek Goddess genes!" LOL!!!  They all laugh at & with me!  Hey - we have to keep the humor going otherwise there would be way too many tears!
Week 11 Chemo March 17, 2016 - Happy St. Patrick's Day!  I had to wear my greens today to my chemo treatment - maybe it will bring me some Leprechaun Luck!  I'll take any luck I can get ~ LOL!  All looked good for treatment.  I was plugged into my meds ready for the Taxol!  I felt the normal bloating and swelling - I'm getting used to it now, but still doesn't make it any better.  I also had to do a follow up Transvaginal Ultrasound at my OBGYN's office.  All went well.  The results came back and thank goodness, the 5 cm cyst had disseminated all by itself!  Thank You GOD!  Now that's some GREAT news!!! 
Week 12 Chemo March 24, 2016 - Week 12!  WOW - how can that be? Phase one of my treatment plan has come to an end today, I can't believe it!  My good friend Patty came to visit today again!  She brought beautiful Calla Lily's - so sweet! 
It's a bittersweet day. Part of me is very excited because I've made it thru this part of treatment and these 12 weeks (although emotionally and physically different), I still made it!  The other part of me is really nervous about what's to come... surgery, more chemo (the type that will knock me to the core from what they say, radiation and more surgery)!!  While others will be enjoying their lives, living life and planning summer vacations, making memories etc, my reality is very different.  My reality is about survival, there is no other option for anything other than that.   Basically, 2016 is about letting go of what was and creating what can be for years to come.  So, in the scheme of things, 1 year of going thru hell for a potential many years down the road is an excellent trade off.  I remember saying to my breast surgeon in the very beginning, "give it to me straight, I need 20 years, can you get me at least 20 years of life with all things being considered with no sugar coating"?  She responded, "in giving it to you straight... no one can predict how long someone will live, we can walk outside tomorrow and that be the end due to some fluke event or accident based on how life is today.  In relation to your cancer diagnosis and all things being considered, we can get 20 years, but the next year will be hell and it will suck, so prepare yourself""  I LOVE her!  I don't need fluff, I need reality and that's what she gave me! 

Now fast forward 12 weeks.... End of Phase 1 of Treatment.  I was anxious to see Dr. Browne because I wanted to hear what she has to say about the original tumor.  I vividly remember what the original tumor felt like because I was the one that found / felt it.  When I checked myself this morning, it definitely felt smaller than it did when I was diagnosed back in Dec 2015, but it's still there, I still feel it's presence which scares me.  So, my question is, what have these past 12 weeks of chemo and targeted treatments really done on in the inside if I can still feel it, just smaller?  Dr. Browne  and I talked for a while.  After she examined me, she said that ideally we like to feel no evidence of the tumor.  She could still feel mine ~ NOT GOOD!  She went on to say that it has shrunk and it feels as if it is half the size ~ THIS IS GOOD!  She ordered another MRI to be done some time next week, so that we can see what we're looking at.  I'm anxiously going to be waiting for these results to get a baseline as to where I stand internally and get the pathology on the tumor from the MRI!  She also wants me to come back next week for Herceptin only which is one of the targeted treatments.  Honestly, I don't mind as it is another day where they can monitor me and we can talk about the MRI results.  I have to say, I'm worried.  I feel like although the tumor has shrunk in half, it's not enough.  I'm nervous, I'm worried, I'm scared yet again!
Phase 1 of treatment.... DONE!!!
Let's hope it did enough to battle this beast of a tumor!!!

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