Echo cardiogram, Chest Port Surgery & Genetic Testing

Today 1/6/16 is my 15 year wedding anniversary - a milestone!  Today, was also a prep day for what is to come as of tomorrow.  I had to get an echo cardiogram done as a baseline for my heart function and the chest port installation which requires surgery.  Who would have thought that 15 years ago, we would be spending our 15 year anniversary in a hospital?  Well, here we are.  In an effort of trying to be positive, the good thing is that at least we are together! 

Echo cardiogram went well - we get results tomorrow.  The chest port install was not what I expected. It was pretty intense I must say.  As they were getting me prepped for the surgery, I started having another panic attack.  The nurses were wonderful calming me down, but it suddenly hit me, it became very real to me.  As I was laying in the surgical room with 2 IV's in my arm, I just starred at the ceiling asking myself "how did I get here, how did this happen, is this really happening?"  Then the doctor came in and walked me thru the procedure step by step, coz ya know, I'm all about the details, he was great, Dr. Conrad. I didn't realized that they would have to go thru my neck, install a catheter and the chest port.  Once he finished and I was cleaned up, I was rolled out to wait, Scott came in and when I saw the result of all the bandages, I was taken back.  This is real, it's really happening.  As you can see I look just fabulous!

I thought that I got to a place in my mind, mentally ready with acceptance of what I've been dealt with and with the attitude of attacking this head on with a positive attitude, but today it became real and I realized I'm not quite there.  The tears, anger and disbelief just came on back!  How am I going to do this?  How am I going to find the strength I need to get thru this?  I'm scared AGAIN, I'm so scared!  I could barely make it thru today, how in the world am I going to get thru tomorrow when my treatment actually begins?  How am I going to do this?

Meanwhile, ya know the good news keeps on coming.  I got my genetic test results back.  Positive for BRCA1.  What that means is that I have a mutation in that gene which makes me more at risk for breast cancer AND ovarian cancer.  In addition, it means that my daughters may also be carriers of the same gene.  No, No, No!!!  Why?  Based on those findings, they recommend for me, a bilateral full mastectomy and also removal of my ovaries and fallopian tubes.  Let's add that to the list!  Good Lord, Thank God I've had my children.  But for my girls, it means that somewhere down the road, they will need to get tested to see if they are carriers of the gene.  There is a 50/50 chance they are.  But as it was explained to me, it can skip many generations.  I can only hope and pray that when the time comes for them to get tested, that their results come out negative.  For this I pray!