4 Year Survivor - 12/16/19

This is what a 4 year Survivor looks like!

I'm looking pretty darn good, if I can say so myself, LOL!  Well - I mean, I look pretty normal, right?  Who would think, oh yeah - this woman went thru hell and back and fought for her life for 2 years of God awful cancer treatment?  If I didn't know me during that time and met me now, I wouldn't think anything other than she looks.... normal (subject to interpretation of course, heheheheeee)!

When someone says to me, "wow, you are a 4 year survivor, that's great", I smile and say, "yes, yes it is"!  And it IS fantastic, in my heart, I know that!  However, in my mind, little do they know that since Dec 16, 2015, which was the day I was diagnosed, thru all the treatments and current day, I go to bed EVERY NIGHT, feeling my body for any changes I might possibly feel and then I wake up EVERY DAY, wondering, are all the cancer cells really gone & destroyed or is it only a matter of time until I feel something or have some sort of symptom that will lead to the dreaded, your cancer is back conversation?  I know that sounds pessimistic, but it's a reality that everyone I have personally met who has gone thru a similar journey feels regularly.  Those silent thoughts, never go away!  You question everything you do, what you eat, are you stressed, are you doing all the things you can be doing to prevent recurrence and ultimately... are you living life despite those crazy thoughts that refuse to leave your brain?

I do ok, but I can do better.  It's all the things I can't control that I struggle with.  I try, I TRY.... to "let things go" as they say, but honestly, my make-up is that of a planner and worrier.  Having a plan A, B and even a C at all times is how I roll.  One could say that I over analyze things and I definitely do.

So, here is my personal over-analysis. It's quite simple actually.  I have found that "Life is What YOU Make It"!  Life is certainly not perfect and whoever says it is... well, power to them and bless their hearts!!!  For me, life is, well..... it's  "Perfectly Imperfect" and I quite actually prefer it that way!  

With Christmas being 9 days away, I wish everyone a wonderful season filled with peace, joy, happiness, HEALTH and most of all... Love, the greatest of all things! 

Making Strides Against Breast Cancer 10/6/19

Team Alton at the Making Strides Against Breast Cancer walk in Nashua, NH October 6, 2019. Proud of our team as we raised over $1,600 that all goes towards cancer research. Thank you to everyone who supported Team Alton and our efforts!  What an amazing day to support cancer fighters, survivors, caregivers etc   💪💪💪

3 Year Survivor - 12/16/18

Making Strides Against Breast Cancer 10/14/18

It was a great day to support Breast Cancer, Survivors, Caregivers and continued Research! Thanks to all who donated to Team Alton (we raised $1200 that will go to breast cancer research) and for walking with us and in being there in spirit today!!!!

4/19/18 - Surgery #3 - Capsulorrhaphy

We are back at it AGAIN for Surgery #3!  

I haven't slept for the past few nights, too many thoughts and emotions going through my mind.  Prepping for surgery is never high on my list, but it's what needs to be done.  As I make sure all is in place at home and that I have everything in good order, I then stop to think to myself that it's another major surgery and you never know what the outcome will be until it's over and you come out of surgery.  Honestly, I just want to wake up and have no complications - not too much to ask for right?  Positive thoughts are what is needed - nothing more, nothing less. My nerves and fears are once again getting the best of me though!

What is this surgery for?  Well, I thought I wouldn't be here getting surgery, but the fact of the matter is, I knew that I would possibly have 2 more to go.  After my bi-lateral mastectomy, reconstruction and ultimately radiation - my right side that had radiation was altered in size, shape and feel.  It became tighter, harder and higher than the left side.  I thought I could live with it, but after a year of living with it, I knew I couldn't.  Beyond what it looked like,(I was completely lop-sided, my left side had extra skin to allow for changes in size which looked horrible and my shirts never fit right.  I felt so beyond uncomfortable and I looked deformed.  Even though I gave up vanity and looking in the mirror over 2 years ago, honestly, I just couldn't take it anymore.  So, I went back to my breast surgeon and asked "what can we do"?  Initially, he tried to talk me our of another surgery because I was fortunate to not have had any complications along the way, but in my mind, I felt like I had 1 last shot at getting this right after everything I had already been through and although surgery is not my thing, I didn't see any other alternative.  I needed to feel normal or at least as close as I can get to it.  After many conversations and possibilities of the outcome I wanted to achieve, we agreed to go forward with what's called Breast Capsulorrhaphy along with Liposuction on both sides of the breasts and frontal area.  This would allow for a revision of the left breast to match as best as possible the right breast which was radiated and then liposuction to make the excess skin flatten out a bit from the original bi-lateral mastectomy. Sounds fun right?  NOT!  Apparently it's pretty painful and there will be tons of bruising, possible drains and recovery time. 

The reality of the morning began to set in...I kissed the girls goodbye as they headed off to school with a jam packed day full of tests, projects and games/rehearsals!  Then, Scott and I are left for the hospital - I'm scared, yep, not afraid to say it!  I don't want to write too much more other than.... "Let's Do This Surgery Thing for the 3rd time".  It's mind over matter!!!

I'll let go and leave the rest up to the hands of my incredible surgeon and ultimately..... up to God.

 

2 Year Survivor - Wisdom - 12/16/17

  

As I sit here today sipping my coffee and beginning to write, I am reminded that today marks my 2 year anniversary since my diagnosis. I am a 2 year breast cancer survivor!  I'm so happy for this day!  So much continues to happen...  medically (next surgery is coming up in the spring), physically (I'm in constant pain - oh the joint pain - ugh), mentally and emotionally (stress has always been hard for me to avoid, as hard as I try, it's a tough one).  Despite those things, I am still here living life with my incredible family and all the crazy ups and downs that every day brings!  My family is the reason for everything, they are my rocks, my heart, my soul.

I feel so blessed because I am constantly learning everyday about life, living and people.  Here are some things I've known and yet continue to learn about or evolve with that I'd like to pay forward from my perspective......

We are all doing one thing right now, living life - so, live it Right! 
Smile
Wear sunscreen
Never smoke
Get enough sleep
Eat healthy
Get some sort of physical activity in 4 times a week
Visit your Doctor & Dentist once a year
Mammograms & Ultrasounds save lives
Don't be a bully
Karma is REAL - what goes around, comes around, ALWAYS
Give BIG hugs & kisses
Never lie
Always be kind - you never know what someone is going thru
Laugh often
Love deeply
Find the beauty in all things
Eliminate stress
Remove drama & energy sucking personalities
Live peacefully
Don't give your heart freely, but when you do - give it fully
Respect yourself ALWAYS
Don't tolerate less than you deserve
Not one situation will define you
Think before you speak and type
Learn from your mistakes
Ask for forgiveness if you've hurt someone
Let grudges go
Remember that this too shall pass
Tomorrow is a new day
It's in our darkest moments that we sometimes find our greatest strength
Character & Integrity is everything
Financially be able to support yourself
Give your career 100%
Travel - see the world and all its beauty
Perspective is an incredible thing
Attitude is a little thing that makes a HUGE difference
Be BADASS in a good way
Sparkles & Glitter make everything better
Remember that love is the greatest of all things!

Here's to life, health, kindness and counting our blessings!  May we all always understand life's value and the privilege we have of living it!

Making Strides Against Breast Cancer 10/15/17

On Sunday, October 15th, 2017, Team Alton participated in the Making Strides Against Breast Cancer Walk in Nashua, NH at Greeley Park.  Words cannot express my gratitude for everyone who has supported Team Alton in the past 2 years in numerous ways.  Many thanks to everyone who donated and walked with Team Alton to raise awareness and raise funds towards future research for breast cancer.  My heart is beyond warm.