We are back at it AGAIN for Surgery #3!
I haven't slept for the past few nights, too many thoughts and emotions going through my mind. Prepping for surgery is never high on my list, but it's what needs to be done. As I make sure all is in place at home and that I have everything in good order, I then stop to think to myself that it's another major surgery and you never know what the outcome will be until it's over and you come out of surgery. Honestly, I just want to wake up and have no complications - not too much to ask for right? Positive thoughts are what is needed - nothing more, nothing less. My nerves and fears are once again getting the best of me though!
What is this surgery for? Well, I thought I wouldn't be here getting surgery, but the fact of the matter is, I knew that I would possibly have 2 more to go. After my bi-lateral mastectomy, reconstruction and ultimately radiation - my right side that had radiation was altered in size, shape and feel. It became tighter, harder and higher than the left side. I thought I could live with it, but after a year of living with it, I knew I couldn't. Beyond what it looked like,(I was completely lop-sided, my left side had extra skin to allow for changes in size which looked horrible and my shirts never fit right. I felt so beyond uncomfortable and I looked deformed. Even though I gave up vanity and looking in the mirror over 2 years ago, honestly, I just couldn't take it anymore. So, I went back to my breast surgeon and asked "what can we do"? Initially, he tried to talk me our of another surgery because I was fortunate to not have had any complications along the way, but in my mind, I felt like I had 1 last shot at getting this right after everything I had already been through and although surgery is not my thing, I didn't see any other alternative. I needed to feel normal or at least as close as I can get to it. After many conversations and possibilities of the outcome I wanted to achieve, we agreed to go forward with what's called Breast Capsulorrhaphy along with Liposuction on both sides of the breasts and frontal area. This would allow for a revision of the left breast to match as best as possible the right breast which was radiated and then liposuction to make the excess skin flatten out a bit from the original bi-lateral mastectomy. Sounds fun right? NOT! Apparently it's pretty painful and there will be tons of bruising, possible drains and recovery time.
What is this surgery for? Well, I thought I wouldn't be here getting surgery, but the fact of the matter is, I knew that I would possibly have 2 more to go. After my bi-lateral mastectomy, reconstruction and ultimately radiation - my right side that had radiation was altered in size, shape and feel. It became tighter, harder and higher than the left side. I thought I could live with it, but after a year of living with it, I knew I couldn't. Beyond what it looked like,(I was completely lop-sided, my left side had extra skin to allow for changes in size which looked horrible and my shirts never fit right. I felt so beyond uncomfortable and I looked deformed. Even though I gave up vanity and looking in the mirror over 2 years ago, honestly, I just couldn't take it anymore. So, I went back to my breast surgeon and asked "what can we do"? Initially, he tried to talk me our of another surgery because I was fortunate to not have had any complications along the way, but in my mind, I felt like I had 1 last shot at getting this right after everything I had already been through and although surgery is not my thing, I didn't see any other alternative. I needed to feel normal or at least as close as I can get to it. After many conversations and possibilities of the outcome I wanted to achieve, we agreed to go forward with what's called Breast Capsulorrhaphy along with Liposuction on both sides of the breasts and frontal area. This would allow for a revision of the left breast to match as best as possible the right breast which was radiated and then liposuction to make the excess skin flatten out a bit from the original bi-lateral mastectomy. Sounds fun right? NOT! Apparently it's pretty painful and there will be tons of bruising, possible drains and recovery time.
The reality of the morning began to set in...I kissed the girls goodbye as they headed off to school with a jam packed day full of tests, projects and games/rehearsals! Then, Scott and I are left for the hospital - I'm scared, yep, not afraid to say it! I don't want to write too much more other than.... "Let's Do This Surgery Thing for the 3rd time". It's mind over matter!!!
I'll let go and leave the rest up to the hands of my incredible surgeon and ultimately..... up to God.
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