This is what a 4 year Survivor looks like!
I'm looking pretty darn good, if I can say so myself, LOL! Well - I mean, I look pretty normal, right? Who would think, oh yeah - this woman went thru hell and back and fought for her life for 2 years of God awful cancer treatment? If I didn't know me during that time and met me now, I wouldn't think anything other than she looks.... normal (subject to interpretation of course, heheheheeee)!
When someone says to me, "wow, you are a 4 year survivor, that's great", I smile and say, "yes, yes it is"! And it IS fantastic, in my heart, I know that! However, in my mind, little do they know that since Dec 16, 2015, which was the day I was diagnosed, thru all the treatments and current day, I go to bed EVERY NIGHT, feeling my body for any changes I might possibly feel and then I wake up EVERY DAY, wondering, are all the cancer cells really gone & destroyed or is it only a matter of time until I feel something or have some sort of symptom that will lead to the dreaded, your cancer is back conversation? I know that sounds pessimistic, but it's a reality that everyone I have personally met who has gone thru a similar journey feels regularly. Those silent thoughts, never go away! You question everything you do, what you eat, are you stressed, are you doing all the things you can be doing to prevent recurrence and ultimately... are you living life despite those crazy thoughts that refuse to leave your brain?
I do ok, but I can do better. It's all the things I can't control that I struggle with. I try, I TRY.... to "let things go" as they say, but honestly, my make-up is that of a planner and worrier. Having a plan A, B and even a C at all times is how I roll. One could say that I over analyze things and I definitely do.
So, here is my personal over-analysis. It's quite simple actually. I have found that "Life is What YOU Make It"! Life is certainly not perfect and whoever says it is... well, power to them and bless their hearts!!! For me, life is, well..... it's "Perfectly Imperfect" and I quite actually prefer it that way!
With Christmas being 9 days away, I wish everyone a wonderful season filled with peace, joy, happiness, HEALTH and most of all... Love, the greatest of all things!
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