Sunday, December 16, 2018
Sunday, October 14, 2018
Making Strides Against Breast Cancer 10/14/18
It was a great day to support Breast Cancer, Survivors, Caregivers and continued Research! Thanks to all who donated to Team Alton (we raised $1200 that will go to breast cancer research) and for walking with us and in being there in spirit today!!!!
Thursday, April 19, 2018
4/19/18 - Surgery #3 - Capsulorrhaphy
We are back at it AGAIN for Surgery #3!
I haven't slept for the past few nights, too many thoughts and emotions going through my mind. Prepping for surgery is never high on my list, but it's what needs to be done. As I make sure all is in place at home and that I have everything in good order, I then stop to think to myself that it's another major surgery and you never know what the outcome will be until it's over and you come out of surgery. Honestly, I just want to wake up and have no complications - not too much to ask for right? Positive thoughts are what is needed - nothing more, nothing less. My nerves and fears are once again getting the best of me though!
What is this surgery for? Well, I thought I wouldn't be here getting surgery, but the fact of the matter is, I knew that I would possibly have 2 more to go. After my bi-lateral mastectomy, reconstruction and ultimately radiation - my right side that had radiation was altered in size, shape and feel. It became tighter, harder and higher than the left side. I thought I could live with it, but after a year of living with it, I knew I couldn't. Beyond what it looked like,(I was completely lop-sided, my left side had extra skin to allow for changes in size which looked horrible and my shirts never fit right. I felt so beyond uncomfortable and I looked deformed. Even though I gave up vanity and looking in the mirror over 2 years ago, honestly, I just couldn't take it anymore. So, I went back to my breast surgeon and asked "what can we do"? Initially, he tried to talk me our of another surgery because I was fortunate to not have had any complications along the way, but in my mind, I felt like I had 1 last shot at getting this right after everything I had already been through and although surgery is not my thing, I didn't see any other alternative. I needed to feel normal or at least as close as I can get to it. After many conversations and possibilities of the outcome I wanted to achieve, we agreed to go forward with what's called Breast Capsulorrhaphy along with Liposuction on both sides of the breasts and frontal area. This would allow for a revision of the left breast to match as best as possible the right breast which was radiated and then liposuction to make the excess skin flatten out a bit from the original bi-lateral mastectomy. Sounds fun right? NOT! Apparently it's pretty painful and there will be tons of bruising, possible drains and recovery time.
What is this surgery for? Well, I thought I wouldn't be here getting surgery, but the fact of the matter is, I knew that I would possibly have 2 more to go. After my bi-lateral mastectomy, reconstruction and ultimately radiation - my right side that had radiation was altered in size, shape and feel. It became tighter, harder and higher than the left side. I thought I could live with it, but after a year of living with it, I knew I couldn't. Beyond what it looked like,(I was completely lop-sided, my left side had extra skin to allow for changes in size which looked horrible and my shirts never fit right. I felt so beyond uncomfortable and I looked deformed. Even though I gave up vanity and looking in the mirror over 2 years ago, honestly, I just couldn't take it anymore. So, I went back to my breast surgeon and asked "what can we do"? Initially, he tried to talk me our of another surgery because I was fortunate to not have had any complications along the way, but in my mind, I felt like I had 1 last shot at getting this right after everything I had already been through and although surgery is not my thing, I didn't see any other alternative. I needed to feel normal or at least as close as I can get to it. After many conversations and possibilities of the outcome I wanted to achieve, we agreed to go forward with what's called Breast Capsulorrhaphy along with Liposuction on both sides of the breasts and frontal area. This would allow for a revision of the left breast to match as best as possible the right breast which was radiated and then liposuction to make the excess skin flatten out a bit from the original bi-lateral mastectomy. Sounds fun right? NOT! Apparently it's pretty painful and there will be tons of bruising, possible drains and recovery time.
The reality of the morning began to set in...I kissed the girls goodbye as they headed off to school with a jam packed day full of tests, projects and games/rehearsals! Then, Scott and I are left for the hospital - I'm scared, yep, not afraid to say it! I don't want to write too much more other than.... "Let's Do This Surgery Thing for the 3rd time". It's mind over matter!!!
I'll let go and leave the rest up to the hands of my incredible surgeon and ultimately..... up to God.
Saturday, December 16, 2017
2 Year Survivor - Wisdom - 12/16/17
I feel so blessed because I am constantly learning everyday about life, living and people. Here are some things I've known and yet continue to learn about or evolve with that I'd like to pay forward from my perspective......
We are all doing one thing right now, living life - so, live it Right!
Smile
Wear sunscreen
Never smoke
Get enough sleep
Eat healthy
Get some sort of physical activity in 4 times a week
Visit your Doctor & Dentist once a year
Mammograms & Ultrasounds save lives
Don't be a bully
Karma is REAL - what goes around, comes around, ALWAYS
Give BIG hugs & kisses
Never lie
Always be kind - you never know what someone is going thru
Laugh often
Love deeply
Find the beauty in all things
Eliminate stress
Remove drama & energy sucking personalities
Live peacefully
Don't give your heart freely, but when you do - give it fully
Respect yourself ALWAYS
Don't tolerate less than you deserve
Not one situation will define you
Think before you speak and type
Learn from your mistakes
Ask for forgiveness if you've hurt someone
Let grudges go
Remember that this too shall pass
Tomorrow is a new day
It's in our darkest moments that we sometimes find our greatest strength
Character & Integrity is everything
Financially be able to support yourself
Give your career 100%
Travel - see the world and all its beauty
Perspective is an incredible thing
Attitude is a little thing that makes a HUGE difference
Be BADASS in a good way
Sparkles & Glitter make everything better
Remember that love is the greatest of all things!
Here's to life, health, kindness and counting our blessings! May we all always understand life's value and the privilege we have of living it!
Sunday, October 15, 2017
Making Strides Against Breast Cancer 10/15/17
On Sunday, October 15th, 2017, Team Alton participated in the Making Strides Against Breast Cancer Walk in Nashua, NH at Greeley Park. Words cannot express my gratitude for everyone who has supported Team Alton in the past 2 years in numerous ways. Many thanks to everyone who donated and walked with Team Alton to raise awareness and raise funds towards future research for breast cancer. My heart is beyond warm.
Friday, December 16, 2016
1 Year Survivor - Life's Perspective a year later - 12/16/16
Here we are - exactly 1 year later since my Breast Cancer Diagnosis. If I am honest with myself, I honestly didn't think I'd still be here. But thanks to current medical technological advances, I am here 1 year later alive and living to tell me story!
Once you have been given a cancer diagnosis, life as you know it comes to a complete halt. You truly see your life flash right in front of your eyes. For me, it was a like someone just stuck a knife in my heart and twisted it inside me. I remember, that exact moment - 1 year ago today!. As I dropped to my knees, I had instant flashbacks of my life from as far back as I could remember thru that exact point in time. It was like a movie playback of my life. I remembered all my childhood adventures, remembered both the happy and sad moments in my life, relived graduating high school, college, graduate school, my career aspirations, my wedding day, the purchase of our dream home, the birth of my daughters, the hopes and dreams that I envisioned for my life both as a single person, a married person and as a mom, all the plans I had in store for the future and of course, accepting the recent passing of my father which I never really had a chance to deal with as my diagnosis came a month later.
How would this all work? How would this diagnosis change my life and my family's life? Would I be able to handle the treatments? Would I survive the surgeries? What if I don't make it thru? Would I die? If I survive, would I be the same person physically, mentally & emotionally? Would I ultimately get to the point of being considered a cancer survivor and if so, for how long? How would I continue on with my life? The thoughts never stopped and still haven't.
I can tell you, everything DID change and in ways I never imagined they would. When I look back to this past year, I sit back, still is disbelief at times when I think about all that has actually transpired. At times, I have a hard time comprehending all that I've been thru. At times, it doesn't feel real. Did my father really pass away and did I really just go thru cancer treatment that's still ongoing? Then the reality hits me, YES, YES, YES! Irene, this all DID happen! You have been thru hell and back physically, mentally & emotionally, but you are still here alive and able to talk about it.
Physically - I can say, hands downs, there were various parts of my treatment that took me to the deepest, darkest and most unimaginable places. When I look back, I don't know how I got thru some of the physical parts of treatment other than the reality of, "I had to", what other choice was there? I somehow managed to find balance, perspective & strength. On my hardest days, a glimmer of hope would appear when I least expected it from looking outside, seeing the sun rise by my window, to receiving a thoughtful gift or card or opening a "thinking of you" email to seeing my daughters smiling faces and my husband trying to make me laugh. It was the little things that gave me strength and courage to go on when I didn't think I could endure another moment. To say the rollercoaster was intense is an understatement! The physical transformation has been beyond incredible to go thru. When I look back to pictures, I am just absolutely amazed how a person can transform so much in 1 year. The transformation is just absolutely mid blowing to me and hard to process at times as it is still on going.
Mentally & Emotionally - there is no specific program for learning how to cope emotionally or how to heal the internal wounds of the loss of a parent let alone, being diagnosed with cancer. There is no regimen that can be prescribed with a 100% guarantee that taken twice daily, everything will be better. Treatment is a long, circuitous, meandering, pot-holed process. In the last year, my body, mind and spirit were mangled by loss, disease, surgeries and chemicals. Recovery and getting on with life has taken and continues to take time and patience. It cannot be rushed or forced. The more you push, the longer it takes. I thought once all the major surgeries and treatments were completed, I'd be able to go right back to my "what was pre-cancer life". The reality... it's not how it works! Nothing is the same, everything is different. I am FOREVER CHANGED by the loss of my father, breast cancer and all that came with it. I was NOT able to resume life as it was before. I have to "re-build" my strength and overall, my entire life. I constantly have to pick myself up, brush myself off and keep getting on that treadmill of life - it is a real struggle that I didn't foresee. Things may not be exactly how I'd like things to be and I am not where I thought I'd be at this stage in my life, but again, what choice is there? Crumble? Hell NO!! I get back up, every day and take another step forward not always with the smile, but I try.
I try to be kind to myself, give myself some slack and accept the fact that I just do things now a little more slowly.... at least for the time being or until I can get my strength and new groove in motion. This new groove HAS to involve exercise, a somewhat vegan diet with many more greens and the elimination of stress and toxic situations, people & environments in not only my life, but in my family's life in general. A lot of reflection has taken place on those ends. Not into drama, never was, never will be.
It's during the different stages of Recovery that I've had the realization that I was now officially a lifetime member of a club that I never applied or ever wanted to join. What I have found in this club however, is that it is a membership of some of the most incredibly brave, strong and inspiring members from all walks of life. Without these beautiful souls who have walked a similar yet different journey, I would not have gotten thru some extremely difficult days. They understood in ways others who haven't walked this path couldn't. It's a sisterhood.
Speaking of getting thru difficult days... I could not have gotten thru any of this with out my husband, who never imagined seeing his wife sick the way I was. He's an angel, really! I cried more than I ever have in his arms, he's been my rock the entire time! My two beautiful girls - took care of each other at times that I couldn't take care of them in addition to turning around and taking care of me. No kid their age should have to do that, but they did and still managed to be in honors, excel in school, sports, the arts and be kind and humble. They are 2 of the strongest kids I know and my wish for them is healthy and peace in their hearts. The many friends, neighbors & co workers that went above and beyond being generous in so many unbelievable ways, I don't have enough words to express our gratitude. My family and I would not have gotten thru the worst of it without you, especially, Shelly K, Andrea M, Patti B, Jen M, my Fidelity Team, Scott's Crabtree & Evelyn Team, Fr. Alex and my amazing Medical Team. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
The hardest part of moving forward is the reality of my prognosis. Recurrence is a scary thing and the emotional part of knowing your numbers is tough. We all know that one day we are going to die, but when you have cancer, your mortality is starring you in the face daily. There is a lot of soul searching and acceptance of self that comes with that. As my doctors have said, "Irene, you have had the most advanced treatment out there, medically, we have done everything that can be done. You can help yourself thru diet and exercise, but no one can control the biology of cancer. So, live your life everyday, get stronger, stay positive and forget the numbers".
So, I've decided no more Should Have, Could Have, Would Have! Instead, do all the things you want to do and do them NOW! There is never going to be the "perfect time" to do things, so waiting around for that perfect time is quite frankly, pointless. Do the things you want to do now, cherish your friends & family, be kind to people, pay it forward, do stop and smell the roses that you would normally walk past, don't sweat the small stuff, pray, love, breath, enjoy life everyday and live, LIVE LIFE!
I hope that in some small way my experience and my choice to document / share / communicate my personal journey has been of some help to others and maybe, just a little bit inspirational to some. My experience has taught me many things and I walk away with daily gratitude for life! There is going to be life indeed - a beautiful, gratitude filled life AFTER breast cancer - one day, one step at a time.
How would this all work? How would this diagnosis change my life and my family's life? Would I be able to handle the treatments? Would I survive the surgeries? What if I don't make it thru? Would I die? If I survive, would I be the same person physically, mentally & emotionally? Would I ultimately get to the point of being considered a cancer survivor and if so, for how long? How would I continue on with my life? The thoughts never stopped and still haven't.
I can tell you, everything DID change and in ways I never imagined they would. When I look back to this past year, I sit back, still is disbelief at times when I think about all that has actually transpired. At times, I have a hard time comprehending all that I've been thru. At times, it doesn't feel real. Did my father really pass away and did I really just go thru cancer treatment that's still ongoing? Then the reality hits me, YES, YES, YES! Irene, this all DID happen! You have been thru hell and back physically, mentally & emotionally, but you are still here alive and able to talk about it.
Physically - I can say, hands downs, there were various parts of my treatment that took me to the deepest, darkest and most unimaginable places. When I look back, I don't know how I got thru some of the physical parts of treatment other than the reality of, "I had to", what other choice was there? I somehow managed to find balance, perspective & strength. On my hardest days, a glimmer of hope would appear when I least expected it from looking outside, seeing the sun rise by my window, to receiving a thoughtful gift or card or opening a "thinking of you" email to seeing my daughters smiling faces and my husband trying to make me laugh. It was the little things that gave me strength and courage to go on when I didn't think I could endure another moment. To say the rollercoaster was intense is an understatement! The physical transformation has been beyond incredible to go thru. When I look back to pictures, I am just absolutely amazed how a person can transform so much in 1 year. The transformation is just absolutely mid blowing to me and hard to process at times as it is still on going.
Mentally & Emotionally - there is no specific program for learning how to cope emotionally or how to heal the internal wounds of the loss of a parent let alone, being diagnosed with cancer. There is no regimen that can be prescribed with a 100% guarantee that taken twice daily, everything will be better. Treatment is a long, circuitous, meandering, pot-holed process. In the last year, my body, mind and spirit were mangled by loss, disease, surgeries and chemicals. Recovery and getting on with life has taken and continues to take time and patience. It cannot be rushed or forced. The more you push, the longer it takes. I thought once all the major surgeries and treatments were completed, I'd be able to go right back to my "what was pre-cancer life". The reality... it's not how it works! Nothing is the same, everything is different. I am FOREVER CHANGED by the loss of my father, breast cancer and all that came with it. I was NOT able to resume life as it was before. I have to "re-build" my strength and overall, my entire life. I constantly have to pick myself up, brush myself off and keep getting on that treadmill of life - it is a real struggle that I didn't foresee. Things may not be exactly how I'd like things to be and I am not where I thought I'd be at this stage in my life, but again, what choice is there? Crumble? Hell NO!! I get back up, every day and take another step forward not always with the smile, but I try.
I try to be kind to myself, give myself some slack and accept the fact that I just do things now a little more slowly.... at least for the time being or until I can get my strength and new groove in motion. This new groove HAS to involve exercise, a somewhat vegan diet with many more greens and the elimination of stress and toxic situations, people & environments in not only my life, but in my family's life in general. A lot of reflection has taken place on those ends. Not into drama, never was, never will be.
It's during the different stages of Recovery that I've had the realization that I was now officially a lifetime member of a club that I never applied or ever wanted to join. What I have found in this club however, is that it is a membership of some of the most incredibly brave, strong and inspiring members from all walks of life. Without these beautiful souls who have walked a similar yet different journey, I would not have gotten thru some extremely difficult days. They understood in ways others who haven't walked this path couldn't. It's a sisterhood.
Speaking of getting thru difficult days... I could not have gotten thru any of this with out my husband, who never imagined seeing his wife sick the way I was. He's an angel, really! I cried more than I ever have in his arms, he's been my rock the entire time! My two beautiful girls - took care of each other at times that I couldn't take care of them in addition to turning around and taking care of me. No kid their age should have to do that, but they did and still managed to be in honors, excel in school, sports, the arts and be kind and humble. They are 2 of the strongest kids I know and my wish for them is healthy and peace in their hearts. The many friends, neighbors & co workers that went above and beyond being generous in so many unbelievable ways, I don't have enough words to express our gratitude. My family and I would not have gotten thru the worst of it without you, especially, Shelly K, Andrea M, Patti B, Jen M, my Fidelity Team, Scott's Crabtree & Evelyn Team, Fr. Alex and my amazing Medical Team. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
The hardest part of moving forward is the reality of my prognosis. Recurrence is a scary thing and the emotional part of knowing your numbers is tough. We all know that one day we are going to die, but when you have cancer, your mortality is starring you in the face daily. There is a lot of soul searching and acceptance of self that comes with that. As my doctors have said, "Irene, you have had the most advanced treatment out there, medically, we have done everything that can be done. You can help yourself thru diet and exercise, but no one can control the biology of cancer. So, live your life everyday, get stronger, stay positive and forget the numbers".
So, I've decided no more Should Have, Could Have, Would Have! Instead, do all the things you want to do and do them NOW! There is never going to be the "perfect time" to do things, so waiting around for that perfect time is quite frankly, pointless. Do the things you want to do now, cherish your friends & family, be kind to people, pay it forward, do stop and smell the roses that you would normally walk past, don't sweat the small stuff, pray, love, breath, enjoy life everyday and live, LIVE LIFE!
I hope that in some small way my experience and my choice to document / share / communicate my personal journey has been of some help to others and maybe, just a little bit inspirational to some. My experience has taught me many things and I walk away with daily gratitude for life! There is going to be life indeed - a beautiful, gratitude filled life AFTER breast cancer - one day, one step at a time.
Friday, December 9, 2016
12/8/16 Breast MRI
As I get familiar and comfortable with these new breasts, I am still figuring out what is "feels" normal and what doesn't. The past few weeks, I've noticed a lumpy feeling on my right side along with pain. Talk about getting sick to your stomach - ugh - I can't even imagine. I brought it to my Dr's attention. She did an exam and felt the same thing I did. So much has happened to my right side that it could just be scar tissue that has built up and is causing pain, but the only way to know as my Dr. said is to do a Breast MRI. So, here we go again! I swear - I don't have the stomach for this anymore. I can't allow my mind to go down the road of something being wrong after this past year. In my gut, I feel like something is wrong, but in my mind, having gone thru everything between surgery, reconstruction, chemo and radiation, I can't imagine that the cancer would come back, but you just never know - happens all the time. What if I am one of those people?
Breast MRI is scheduled for Dec 8th, 2016. I want to throw up! Here we go again.
Went for MRI, had a tough time finishing it - I got claustrophobic - 2nd time it's happened to me. Now we wait for results - this is the WORST part - the waiting!!!!!
MRI Results........ Negative!!!! OMG!!!! You have no idea, no idea how relieved I am. This is the BEST Christmas gift EVER!!!!! I can breathe again!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)