Hair Loss... Donation (Pantene Beautiful Lengths) & Cut

When I was first diagnosed and after I had spoken to many other women who have gone thru this, the single biggest thing that was mentioned time and time again was how devastating the hair loss part was to them on many different levels.  I was so personally overwhelmed with the diagnosis and learning as much and as fast as possible that I could care less about the hair part, after all, it's "just hair" right, it'll grow back!  I also remember, when my dad was fighting his lung cancer battle, the one thing he did not want to do was lose his hair - he was crazed about it.  Here was a 77 year old man - who would have thought it would be such a big thing for him?  It's interesting, in the Greek culture, hair is viewed as "strength".  I think that's how my dad viewed it and without it, he would look weak and no old fashioned Greek man EVER wanted to appear weak. 

I was told by many that with the type of chemo I'm getting, by day 17 of treatment, I'd have no hair.  Day 17 came and I had no hair loss!  I thought I was pretty darn lucky, then day 25 came, after chemo week 4 - that's when it began for me.  When you have thick and I mean thick, long hair and it begins to fall out, it's surreal.  I was upset, but I was in denial.  I was thinking, "I have so much hair, it won't happen to me, how could I possibly lose all this hair"?  The last time I had short hair was pre high school.  I had the good old "Dorothy Hamel" hair style - LOL!  And ever since 9th grade I haven't had short hair - I refused!  I pulled out old pictures to see myself and had some good laughs, my girls thought my 80's hair was Hysterical!  Gosh, Aquanet - I should have bought stock in that company back then - LOL!

When week 5 set in, it just continued to fall out like crazy!  I couldn't believe it!  The texture, the feel of it and overall everything about it had just completely changed!  That day, I stuffed & filled up 3 zip lock bags of hair.  Devastating doesn't remotely come close to describe how I felt.  I kept touching my hair and what normally would feel like a big giant bush of thick hair, felt like dead, brittle something.  I cried so much that night!  So much so, I even popped a blood vessel in my eye.  Not only was I losing my hair, but now I looked like I got punched in the face and had a giant red eye!  I was scary looking to myself!  I didn't recognize this person anymore.  What was happening to me, who was I looking at?  Was this going to be the new me?  Ugh, I just couldn't deal with it!  Honestly I was a mess, snapping at Scott and the girls - I was turning into a royal.... you know what and it had to stop!

So, once I recognized my own insanity, being that I'm all about moving ahead and forward, I made the decision that night to donate what hair I had left while it was still healthy and to move ahead with shaving my head.  It is the only thing I had control over and I wanted to do this MY WAY, not cancer's way and definitely, NOT on cancers time table!  I was taking control back for myself, even if it's the only time I do have control over anything in regards to this cancer hell!    It was really important to me to try to help someone else.  If this head of hair I once had, even though it's not all of it, could be used to help someone else, then I wanted, I needed to do that for someone else.  Why not put a smile on someone else's face with hair that could be used for a nice wig that will make them feel whole again?  I felt it was the right thing to do. My daughter's have donated to Pantene Beautiful Lengths in the past and that's where I too will donate.  I love this organization and I hope my hair finds a wonderful place, brightens someones day and as my dad would say "gives them a head (kefali) full of strength (theenami)".

I called my hair dresser, Meredith and she was going to come over and do it for me!  On Monday, 2/15/16 we had a hair date!  Scott and I both had off from work and the girls wanted to be there to be part of it, so we let them stay home for a bit and took them to school late.  My intention was to donate what was left and shave the rest off and just be done with it!  But my hairdresser insisted on leaving an inch.  She felt that I could buy some more time with a short pixie.  I know it won't last long, but I agreed.  So here it is.  I don't feel like myself at all!  I have no idea who this person is?  Scott and the girls like it!  The girls think I look "edgy".  I almost peed myself laughing!  Me "EDGY"... LOL!!!  I have to get used to this, oh Lordy!  Below are the Before and After pics.